Outer Space Bathroom
How would you like to "step" into this bathroom after a few drinks?
Catching up on the news ....
"One Man's Toilet Paper is Another Man's Wages"
A recent article in Izvestia stated that Moscow clock-factory workers received 150 rolls of toilet paper as a bonus. "The article hinted that the workers felt lucky to get the toilet paper," reporter Paul Hein stated. The fact that the workers felt "lucky" says a lot about the values of toilet paper in the Soviet Union and the official currency. Here's a sample of other topics covered at Toilet Paper World.
Which is better: one-ply or two-ply?
Why is softer better?
Toilet Paper rubs SGA the Wrong Way
New Toilet Paper Ad gets to the Bottom Line
The Great Toilet Paper Case or A Case of Toilet Paper?
Although most homes have only single roll holders, most commercial establishments have long ago switched to devices that hold multiple rolls. We decided to install one, so we purchased holder of two rolls, side by side. After some self-observation and discussion, we discovered that three different algorithms were in use: large, small, and random.
To use toilet paper requires thought.
Algorithm Large: Always take paper from the largest roll.
Algorithm Small: Always take paper from the smallest roll.
Algorithm Random: Don't think -- select the roll randomly.
I didn't know you had to be a computer scientist to use toilet paper. The response to Don's essay was phenomenal: 20,000 people read it on one Sunday alone. To learn Don's solution, you'll have to read the complete essay.
How long a minute is depends
on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
How are you?
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom; I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!" And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!" At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!" Then I hear the guy say nervously... "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"
More Email Humor
VERY IMPORTANT: Must read now.
I just received this from my broker. I don't normally pass on stock tips, but thought this explosive situation might prove to be another Enron or WoldCom. Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Co. and Northern Tissue Co.
Due to uncertain market conditions, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.
New Meaning to Going Online
Ever Been This Tired?
The Toilet Seat that trains your cat. Feline Evolution is a complete training system that starts out as a litter box and converts to a sturdy, permanent replacement seat for your toilet. Once it has been mounted on your toilet, it works for both cats and humans. And every step along the way is planned with both feline and human psyches in mind.
Seen or Heard on the Street and Elsewhere"Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money." (Joey Bishop)
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. (www.cool-jokes.com)
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On another plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Observation: "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."
24K Royal Flush
Lam Sai-wing read about Vladimir Lenin's dream of celebrating a socialist revolution by building toilets of gold when he was a teenager in mainland China. Mr. Lam, now 45 and living in Hong Kong, has realized Lenin"s dream by building two solid-gold toilets in a bathroom gilded with 24-karat gold and encrusted with gems at his successful jewelry business, 3-D Gold. To use the $4.9-million gilded bathroom, customers must remove their shoes to avoid scuffing the gold tiles and spend $138 on Mr. Lam"s jewelry. A peek at the gold bathroom is free for the time being, but will soon cost $14.
At last, a solution to a not-so-funny problem.
The solution to the age old problem of how to deal with dog waste in public parks and other controlled areas may be the LIPA DOG TOILET.
Since many cities throughout the world have "Pooper Scooper" laws in place and are handing out fines for people not cleaning up after their dog, the LIPA DOG TOILET should make both the dog owners as well as non-dog-owners very happy. Over 35,000 dog toilets are in use in Germany, Austria and Switzerland already! LIPA was founded in 1986 by an American citizen in Germany, but the Dog Toilet has only recently been introduced in the USA. We wish LIPA great success in helping to clean up our environment.
Any shopper or traveler will understand the motive behind "The Wicked Good Guide to Boston Restrooms" website. This is one of a series of Wicked Guides for Boston published by Boston Online, and it begins by saying that Boston has many wonderful things going for it. Readily visible public restrooms are not among them.
The Guide says, "Other cities put their restrooms right on the street and in the subway, where visitors and residents can actually see and use them. Not Boston. We hide our bathrooms away, taunting you, daring you to see if you've got real bladder control. Town Meeting in Concord, one of the most popular tourist sites in America, once rejected plans for a new visitor center, because it would have had restrooms - residents were afraid people from the neighboring town of Maynard would drive into Concord just to use the facilities."
For those times when you are traveling outside the Boston area, The Wicked Guide gives you links to websites that cover the facilities in other places, such as: TheAmerican Sanitary Plumbing Museum - A whole museum about bathroom fixtures, all conveniently located in Worcester!; Manhattan restrooms; Disneyland - "The Happiest Potties on Earth" includes ratings and photos.; Disneyland, Tokyo; Japanese toilets - Includes an explanation of how they're different from western toilets, and a comprehensive guide to public restrooms in Tokyo (complete with photos); Venice; Yarrawonga, Woodlands and Bundalong, Australia ; Singapore's top loos and more.
$600 Toilet Seat
There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:
Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers(value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest you send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.
(Name withheld to protect the innocent)
Speaking & Lectures
Great Outhouse Blowout
Historic Penn's Store in Gravel Switch, Kentucky;the oldest country store in America still in operation by the same family.
The 7th annual "Great Outhouse Blowout" contest was held at Penn's Store in Gravel Switch, Kentucky, USA on the 4th of October 1997. Teams from Kentucky and other states competed for the "gold" in outhouse racing. In conjunction with the race the World Outhouse Olympics committee awarded the prestigious Crescent Moon Award (CMA) to Sherman Hines of Nova Scotia, Canada and Connie A. Denault of Carthage, MO for their outstanding efforts in promoting and preserving the outhouse "with dignity".
Sherman Hines is the publisher and Connie Denault the editor of The Outhouse Preservation Society Newsletter (OPS)*,a quarterly non-profit newsletter dedicated to the connoisseur of the outhouse. *To subscribe to The Outhouse Preservation Society, send $12.00 US or $16 Cdn to PO Box 25067, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada B3M 4H4.
Russell Baker, the Pulitzer Prize winning writer, described his lasting impression of indoor plumbing in his autobiography "Growing Up."
Recalling a visit as a young boy to his uncle's home in Brunswick, Maryland in the late 1920s he writes,
"At the top of the stairs lay the miracle of plumbing. Shutting the door to be absolutely alone with it, I ran my fingers along the smooth enamel of the bathtub and glistening faucet handles of the sink. The white majesty of the toilet bowl, through which gallons of water could be sent rushing by the slightest touch of a silvery lever, filled me with envy. A roll of delicate paper was placed beside it. Here was luxury almost too rich to be borne by anyone whose idea of fancy toiletry was Uncle Irvey's two-hole privy and a Montgomery Ward catalog."
"After gazing upon it as long as I dared without risking interruption by a search party, I pushed the lever and savored the supreme moment when thundering waters emptied into the bowl and vanished with a mighty gurgle. It was the perfect conclusion to a trip to Brunswick."
"Some time ago, an English Lady was looking for rooms in a little village called Lortz in Germany. The local schoolmaster took her to see several delightful homes, and she eventually decided on one. On her way home however, it occurred to her that she had not noticed a W.C. She immediately wrote and asked if there was one near the house.
The schoolmaster on receiving the letter, was much troubled, for his English, being limited, he did not understand the abbreviation W.C. Finally, he asked the Parish Priest to help him, and together they tried to think what the Lady must mean by W.C. At last they came to the conclusion that the Lady meant Wesleyan Church. So the schoolmaster replied -
I have much pleasure in informing you that the W.C. is situated about nine miles from the house in the centre of a grove of beautiful scenery. It is capable of holding 250 people. It opens on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday of each week and as there are so many visitors in the summer months, I would advise you to go early, although there is plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate position for you if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be glad to know that quite a number take their lunch and make a day of it, while others who cannot spare the time, travel by car and arrive just in time. I should especially recommend your Ladyship to pay a visit on Tuesday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds are audible.
It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in our W.C. and it was there that she first met her husband. I remember the barrage quite well on the account of the rush for seats. There were ten on the seat I usually occupy and it was wonderful to watch the expressions on their faces. My father has been a regular since the day he was christened in its waters.
A wealthy resident of the district erected a bell which rings every time a member enters. A bazaar is to be held soon and the proceeds will go towards helping to furnish plush seats as every member feels that it is a long felt want. My wife is rather delicate so she cannot attend regularly, and it pains her very much not to be able to go more often. I will be delighted to reserve the very best seat for you if you advise beforehand, so you will be quite comfortable while you are there.